Sunday, February 1, 2009

Onions 14x11 oil

I am still processing what I am learning from painting almost everyday.  I feel some pressure.  I have recognized areas I need to work on, like color, value and myself.  I have this desire to paint what I see.  It is almost a noose around my neck at times.  I fear looking away and letting what I know take over.  I stay true to the colors that are there instead of the colors I dream about.  Life is pretty grey.  So I continue to work at these things.  I think at the root of all of this is the fear to just let go.  To feel the color and feel passionate about what I am trying to say.  The other thought is that I am not sure what I want to say and that I choose to just document.  I have grown tire of that and have found myself with heels dug deep, only to find that I am not happy and must break free.  
I am and always have been a student.  I have an academic approach and have held steady to that.  I think there is much more inside.  I love to paint and maybe that is all I need to keep doing and let the process evolve.  I think too much.   

7 comments:

Connie Kleinjans said...

OMG, Dori! This is a powerful, powerful statement. So honest. You've been a painting animal in recent months, but maybe you're at the next plateau?

I've been feeling unsettled in recent months; painting the small still lifes has felt cramped, while I've been trying to be looser, more passionate. So I took January off from blogging and discipline (painting only if I wanted to), and took a workshop from Robert Burridge (.com). And these abstracts just poured out of me! I'll be blogging them soon -- doing them is strangely familiar -- but I'm excited again. Also, if you haven't already, read _Art and Fear_. Those authors had spies in my head. I keep underlining things and writing YES!

Please keep sharing. It's so validating to know that others go through the same thing. Maybe I'm not a wack job after all!

Dana Cooper Fine Art said...

Dori, this is a beautiful, sensitive painting. I know exactly what you mean, I tend to be very literal as well. But...as artists it is our job to push on, continue to learn, strive to be better...always.

Nancy Merkle said...

You've described a universal feeling--the pressure to create--the desire to move forward--the overwhelming nature of all the things an artist must consider. Hang in there--you are not alone.

Hillary Miller said...

How fascinating your comments and your piece! My first reaction to the painting, before reading the text, was: oppressive. Then the text just led right out of that!

But, actually, the next reaction to the piece is, this is Dori's mood. As an artist, we can't help but let our feelings into our pieces. Even if you are not feeling completely free to challenge, to risk, to express, something of what you feel is coming through the painting anyways!

Which leads me to comment on your recent landscapes, which I can only conclude you love to do, inspire you, make you feel one with the universe or something, because they are clear, joyous and color filled. Which, as an expression of you, I hope you embrace.

benjaminlois said...

hellow from Spain. veyr beautiful painting!! i like very much your work!

Karen said...

Oh Dori, when I first read this post, I really felt your struggle. It's a really poignant post, and I agree with the others' comments, I think we ALL go through this and appreciate hearing others express it too, so we know we're not (that) crazy!
When I feel that strangling noose, I can usually trace it to the fact that I'm doing something I feel like I "should" do, and really don't want to and have no investment in. I recently abandoned an underpainting that I'd spent a lot of time on, so I was torn...thought I 'should' continue. But when I let it go, the next painting felt way better.
The other thing I can often trace it to is not having a clear idea of why I'm painting what I'm painting, because then I feel like I'm just being aimless.

Maybe you are just in a phase of assimilating a lot of new info for yourself?

Anyway, don't get discouraged! Maybe paint something with only cadmiums!
Let us know how it goes!

Kim VanDerhoek said...

You're growing, keep painting and it will come. You are always your own worst critic and yet, you've created some amazing paintings. Just keep at it. Like I said, I'm dragging you out to paint with me like it or not!

This has a strong composition and a nice arrangement.